I Need A Swift Kick in the Ass

I felt sad last week and I didn’t know why. When I was young my parents always supported me. After that I would have a boyfriend or a husband. I don’t have any of those things now. I have my brother and he is supportive, but he gives me too much advice about my health. He’s a doctor, so he knows a lot and I’m sure it’s helpful, but I have so many doctors in my life already I find what i need more is a brother.

My first boyfriend wasn’t Jewish, and at that time that wasn’t acceptable. In Bayside, where I lived at the time, I would stop at a candy store everyday after school. Bob Bird was a “soda jerk”. He was very good-looking and older than me.  He was in his 20’s. He made me a malted everyday, but when my grandmother cooked I was required to eat! I of course didn’t tell her I was drinking a malted everyday. Luckily being stick thin wasn’t in fashion back then.

Bob and I were together for about 2 or 3 years.   I had a great set up to hide I was dating a non-Jewish boy. Bob’s friend Howie, who was Jewish, would pick me up from my house and then take me to Bob. We even pretended to go to prom together! One night my mother followed me in her car and she waited in her Cadillac outside the candy store until she saw me leaving with Bob. We stopped dating not too long after that.

I’m almost 80. I wish I had the energy to not worry about not having a man in my life, and feel supported by the people I do have in my life. The willingness to get out of the house and go to a party or a class.  But when I think I want to go do something my mind becomes clouded and I would rather go home and watch TV with my dogs. I lack moxie without a man in my life. I feel like if there was a man around I wouldn’t long for it.  When Don was around he and I would talk about the stuff I was doing and he would support me to do it. I miss the emotional support to go out and do stuff. I’m my experience besides my mother  it was always men who supported me this way. And now I don’t have one.

I’d like to take an art class at the Arts Students League, so a year ago I picked up a catalogue. I never registered.  That makes me mad. I told some guy in my building I’d go to a reception at the Arts Students League and then I didn’t go! So you may ask what I’m gonna do about it, huh? Write about it.

I have to break out of this. Where’s that catalogue…



The Hunchback of St. Marks Place

Theres one weirdo who wait downstairs in front of my building when I walk my dogs. He just watches me. I never talk to him. I’ve had some weirdos in my life. When I was a teenager a couple of guys had a crush on me. One was a ding-a-ling. I some how attract weird people.

For example, years ago I went apartment hunting in the East Village. I was on St. Marks one day looking at a rent stabilized apartment some guy had. I met with him and he said how much the apartment was- like $50 a month.  Then he asked me to dinner. Then he wanted to have sex with me. I figured, hey why not? He has a hunchback and a weird leg, butIll get the apartment and boy did I! This was the first and last time I sold my body. It was worth it. You’d have to try and get an apartment in NYC to understand. This apartment was amazing.

I was robbed while I lived there. I was out for a half an hour. All they found was some tampons and my diaphragm. Oh and a suitcase my mother gave me. Not a lot, but it was very creepy living there after that. So I went to a place that built security gates for banks. It was a loft and the guys who worked there were brothers. They had a great reputation but it was clear from looking around their loft they did 2 things, build gates for windows and drink bottles of booze. They sold me gates with locks for my windows. They installed them too. I didn’t ask permission from anyone, I was frantic. So they sealed me in nice and safe.

So the guy I sold myself to came back looking to cash in again for generously giving me a cheap apartment. I owed him more money for the apartment. My boyfriend Billy was living with me by then, so cash was all I gave him that day.


I was robbed while I lived there.